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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28283928">On the cold winter night (I long for you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLozerTrashCan/pseuds/TheLozerTrashCan'>TheLozerTrashCan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A3! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, But in this fic we die like December, Hurt/Comfort, No beta we die like Augu-</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:08:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,740</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28283928</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLozerTrashCan/pseuds/TheLozerTrashCan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Late night conversation between two winter troupe members. One that revolves to a certain white haired individual who's someone been with a long time ago.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>On the cold winter night (I long for you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here?"</p><p>August grip on the object tightens. Instinct runs through his veins and mind for him to turn around and punch the intruder, but instead, he slowly swallows it all down and takes a deep breath. He let his hand slowly loosen his hold on the object of his attention before changing it, bringing it to the one who called him.</p><p>"Ah, Homare-san." He greeted with a carefree smile. He can still feel his body rigid and tense, contradicting his smile.</p><p>He saw Homare's lip slant. "I'm sorry. It appears I have scared you, it wasn't my intention to do that."</p><p>"Ah its fine! To answer your question. I'm just..... thinking something.." he said his last words in a whisper and look down to stare at the object on his hand again.</p><p>August fix the chains wrapped around his arm, securing it more tightly like he didn't want that to let go. From his movements, the moonlight got a taste of the main object attached to the chains. A crescent moon shaped glass pendant lies and secured on his palm, the moonlight it got mirrored its light and hit one of his amethyst eyes in the process. He's not bothered on what happened, instead, his attention turns to that pendant. He glide his pale finger on the half crescent moon, tracing the slight rough texture of the shape, mesmerized. He can feel the cold it collects, imprinting itself to his skin, like a tattoo or a memory that it didn't want to let go to his mind.</p><p>His eyes darken when his finger traces the familiar name imprinted on the pendant. Reminding him, haunting him of a certain someone who he can't help but think of all night <strike>despite not being here anymore.</strike></p><p>August heard Homare hum "That's not good, most of all when it keeps you here all night, alone." He deduced. He can hear his emphasis on his last word, making him chuckled dryly.</p><p>"True. Then again..." </p><p>He places a finger under his chin, deep in thought, or pretending to be one.</p><p>"You're here now right? Which means I'm not alone anymore." He continued with a smile direct to him.</p><p>Homare's eyes widen, shocked, but soon dimmed when he chuckled. "True."</p><p>August pat the space left beside him from the cold bench. "Care to join me on this fine night my good sir?"</p><p>Homare dramatically gasped. "It would be an honour." He said and immediately moved to take a seat next to him.</p><p>August watch Homare let his weight fall down on the hard, wooden, cold bench. As soon as his body hit the surface, he immediately shiver. He watches him unconsciously tighten his grip to the blanket draped around his body and drag itself closer to him. </p><p>"Goodness gracious!" Homare exclaim with a slight shiver "Pardon for my use of words but how did you manage to survive this cold at this long while only wearing light clothing?!" </p><p>His lips straighten. He forgot that the seat is cold nor the weather. He's so used to the cold. He lived with it for as long as he can remember, only the warmth that his 'family' made him continue to move forward, live from the cold that surrounds him, be it through the weather or life. </p><p>So he's not aware of how the cold can affect the others. He forgot that not everyone can manage to survive the cold for so long like he did when they haven't experienced the worst of it yet.</p><p>He felt himself shiver at the thought.</p><p>Those said thoughts soon shattered when he felt Homare shift beside him, bringing himself and his warmth closer to his cold one. From his companion's warmth, he felt something flicker within him, like the small fire of the candle in a dark room.</p><p>It's warm, refreshing and familiar, a sense of deja vu that its scary to feel it.</p><p>
  <strike>Scary to feel it again.</strike>
</p><p>"Do you want some?" </p><p>August's thoughts halt when Homare's hand came into his vision, holding something.</p><p>He blinked, not registering on the object from his hand at first after his thought got interrupted again. Once as he saw the item though, he felt his breath hitch.</p><p>"A gingerbread..." He mutter</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll come again—ah, that’s right. I’ll give you some of this gingerbread.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Gingerbread…."</em>
</p><p>-</p><p>August vision blur and felt something slid down on his cheek. At first, he thought it's a snowflake that caressed his cheek, but another soon followed, until it continue flowing down to his cheek, it never stop.</p><p>He rubs his reddened cheeks and that's when he feels it, it's wet.</p><p>As soon as his mind registered what's happening now, he laughed.</p><p>He laughed. At first it came out as low chuckled, but it slowly turn into a full-blown laughter as tears continue to fall. He can feel different types of emotions swirling and contradicting to one another within him. He can't identify all of them, won't identify all of them. Scared to face those but he knows he has to in order to move on.</p><p>So even though it hurts, he finally put the name to these emotions that kept hidden for so long. He always feels those every single day, swallowing his mind whole. And finally, it all came crashing down to him.</p><p>Sadness. Anger. Regret. </p><p>He laughed, laughed and laughed. He can hear Homare's voice calling out beside him, voice full of concern yet he ignored it. He can hear his laugh on the wind, swaying on the broken tunes he sings. </p><p>
  <strike>He wonders if he can hear his pitiful laugh above</strike>
</p><p>August can feel it, the line that keeps his sanity, the string that keeps him together, unwilling to be broken, to be torn apart from the past that he didn't want to be haunted on. This was not what his night was supposed to be, so he tried bringing his emotions back on the bottle.</p><p>He took a deep breath and rub his unoccupied hand to his blurred, tearful eyes. Either to stop his tears from falling down or hide his face from the mess he made of himself because he forgot he's not alone, maybe both from those? No one will ever know. </p><p>Speaking of company, He notice Homare has been deadly quiet beside him. He's probably curious as to what or how this happened. He knows Homare is not the type of person to pry, most of all if it's about someone's past, but there are times where he's having a hard time to read and understand the emotions and feelings of others. He knows how Homare really tries to help everyone but the way he helps can be harsh, plus the mood of the room wasn't helping in his case either, so his approach made others see him as an insensitive person.</p><p>But he's trying, really. He watched him try and try again until he finally can do it on his own with a bit of help from his. Though he can't help but admit that he worries for him from time to time, afraid that he might slip and make a mistake that can ruin what's between them. What happened now is a perfect example, he knows he looks like he needs help and Homare is the type of person to offer those so willingly, so kind, <em>so human</em> for a person who keeps denying he's human.</p><p>His train of thoughts silence when he felt a comforting hand on his back.</p><p>"I don't know what's on your mind now, and I know you don't want to talk about it either."</p><p>He felt his thumb rub tiny circles, soothing him. His body became slack at the touch.</p><p>"But I do know you are not alone fighting those dark thoughts."</p><p>August eyes widen and look up to face him. Homare's eyes bore to his. His eyes full of warmth and understanding that it silences his dark thoughts. </p><p>"You are not alone anymore, you have us. A home to stay on with people who you can call family. You are free to lean on us like how we did to you. It's heavy to carry those crimes you hold after all, so we'll carry it with you, together. Never forget that."</p><p>August blink, not expecting that. He blink once, twice, until it stopped by his laugh again. Shaky but this time, more light and carefree.</p><p>He returned his smile.</p><p>"Thank you." He whisper</p><p>Homare smile widen and pat his back "You're welcome. Now, take this gingerbread, eat it with full passion! You will feel the love and joy Omi-kun poured when making this, hoping to bring happiness from others!" He dramatically said as he placed the gingerbread to his unoccupied hand.</p><p>August let out a chuckle and return the pendant back to his pocket to fully hold the cookie "That or before it gets cold?" He playfully asks with a smirk.</p><p>"Hush now and eat."</p><p>August huff a giggle and finally did what he was told.</p><p>Crispy on the outside but soft on the inside, it's what he first thought when he took a bite and chew on it. It's sweet but notably spicy, and has a rich molasses flavour.</p><p>
  <strike>Reminds him of the other two who'll enjoy this despite having different taste</strike>
</p><p>In short, it's really delicious.</p><p>He takes another bite and moan in delight.</p><p>"So good." He hum and took another one.</p><p>He heard Homare chuckle "As always when Omi-kun made it."</p><p>"Gosh, I really need to ask him how he made these."</p><p>"Careful now, you might burn the mittens again like last time."</p><p>"That was only one time!"</p><p>Both stare at one another and laugh at the dumb moment. As soon as their laugh subside, silence soon follows. It's not uncomfortable this time, it's pleasant and at peace, both relishing each other's presence and warmth.</p><p>August dug his hand on his pocket to bring out the pendant. He can feel Homare's stare to the pendant. Instead of feeling uncomfortable from the stares he got when they saw him with the pendant like they're prying his past between him and the pendant, he felt at ease. He knows Homare won't pry, he's not the type of person to do that, so he's free to show his past without context or explanation behind it.</p><p>Yet he can't help but give them a little, open the door of trust for them like they did to him.</p><p>"This belongs to someone I cared very deeply about." He started.</p><p>"I gave him this as a Christmas gift. At first, he had no idea on why I'm giving this to him despite its no use. I can't help but give him this when I first look at this, it reminds me of the time I first met him, dead of the night, cold and alone in the dark."</p><p>"I reach out for him and offer him a home with my brother. At first, it's hard to convince him, which I can't blame him for. It's very suspicious when a stranger offers something so tempting with the possibility of something in return. He keeps saying no that even my brother has to remind me about his denial, but I never gave him up on him. I continue to reach out for him until he finally accepts my help."</p><p>"With him, we became a family, despite the ups and down we faced together, everything stays the same. Or so I thought."</p><p>He felt his grip from the pendant tighten.</p><p>"One thing led to another, everything changed for the worse."</p><p>It became deadly silent after he said that. His lips thin when no words exchange after that. He can feel regret creeping its way into his mind. </p><p>He open his mouth to change the topic and just forget about it when it immediately closed when he felt Homare shift from his side to nudge at him.</p><p>"What is he like if I may ask?"</p><p>His eyes widen and turn his head to face him. Homare's eyes hold no judgement nor pity that he despises, only curiosity about the person he's talking about.</p><p>He slowly blink. The question itself may look like he's prying but it's genuine curiosity that holds a tone where he's freely to not answer it, he can't help but chuckle when his mind fully registered the question though that he can't help but indulge him to it.</p><p>"A total sleepyhead who loves sweets." He first described.</p><p>"Despite his sleepy demeanor, he's a very observant person and quick on his feet, like a ninja! There are times where he has a hard time understanding others feelings too because of the little interaction he has with people, but he's really kind and sweet in his own way. He tends to be sarcastic and blunt though, most of all to his brother."</p><p>He can't help but chuckle at the last part "Yeah, most of all to his brother."</p><p>He watch Homare process all of that. His eyes slant and a hand under his chin, deep in thought, while the other holds a plastic bag full of gingerbread that he can't help but take another one.</p><p>As soon as the taste hits his taste buds, he notices something change within him. It's light, like a really big weight has been lifted off from his shoulders.</p><p>Is this what it feels like when releasing emotions?</p><p>"Do you think he'll like me?"</p><p>August stops his mid bite from his cookie and slowly turns around to face him, mouth still hanging half-open and cookie in front of him. Homare's face is still deep in thought with worry written on the lines of his brows along from his scrunched up nose and lips form into a pout. He looks like a kicked puppy.</p><p>August let out a chuckle.</p><p>Cute, he thought.</p><p>"He'll definitely love you." He said and finally took a bit to his cookie.</p><p>Homare eyes widen and turn his eyes at him, he stared back. He watches his red ruby eyes blink rapidly, like he's baffled from his answer, before his pouted lips slowly form into a genuine smile.</p><p>"I'm glad." He said</p><p>Something stirred within him, like a soft caress full of warm and gentleness to it, it's warm.</p><p>"He won't like your poems though." August said with a chuckle.</p><p>Homare gasp "Such nonsense! How can someone hate the artistic beauty and knowledge my poems hold! If we ever meet, I'll definitely shower him my best poems! In fact, I thought of one now!" He cleared his throat. "Silent night....snowflakes on sight...falling so light....like a shooting star shining so bright-"</p><p>August laughs has been drown to Homare's impromptu poem, like the rest of their night together under the slowly falling snow.</p><p> </p><p> -------------------------</p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure you're not coming back inside with me? It's getting colder.."</p><p>August bashfully smiles "I'll come later, don't worry about me now!"</p><p>He raises the blanket who's long ago wrapped around Homare, now it's on him. </p><p>"I have something to keep me warm. Thanks to a certain someone." He continued with a soft smile.</p><p>Homare returned it with his own but with a chuckle along the way.</p><p>"I trust your word to it." He said. He watches him turn his back on him and walk back inside.</p><p>"Have a good night then, Misha-kun." Is what he heard him say before his silhouette disappeared inside.</p><p>August's smile slowly disappear when the silence envelops him again. He raise his head above. He watches the snow fall and caress his pale cheeks. The snow is beautiful, soft yet cold, reminds him of someone he met so long ago. His eyes soften, but it lacks color and light.</p><p>"This company is like us.."</p><p>Despite the differences, the imperfections each other hold, they unite. How loneliness made them come together, like a magnet, a moth in the flames, just to feel the warmth and company of one another. It's chaos and bumpy the road this company walks through, but they still remain and one, like family. </p><p>
  <strike>Like them</strike>
</p><p>"Don't you agree, Hisoka?"</p><p>August asked on the snowflakes falling down. The blanket that Homare provided for him gave him a little sense of warmth and comfort of his dark thoughts on a cold winter night.</p><p>Alone on the dead of the night, he wonders if this is what December felt when he died.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Merry Christmas! :)</p><p>Writing present tense is hard when you got so used on using past tense XD</p><p>So if you noticed any wrong grammar/words, let me know!</p><p>Criticisms, Kudos and Comments are welcome and appreciated! Scream and watch me cry at A3 and Genshin Impact at <a href="https://mobile.twitter.com/rawr_im_trashy">twitter</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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